How to say NO.

QUOTE from Diane Feinstein. "Winng isn't everything, but losing has little to recommend it."

I LEARNED from The Reader's Digest five effective ways to say NO when you are asked to do something you don't really want to do or you are too busy doing other things.

Here are the five ways as explained in The Reader's Digest new book, "LIFE...The Reader's Digest Version."

1. "NO, BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING." This one is genius. It works with just about any kind of request, and the asker rarely knows how to respond.

2. "I'D LOVE TO, BUT I SIMPLY CAN'T MAKE THAT BIG A COMMITMENT. IS THERE SOME OTHER WAY I COULD HELP." Here you're making it crystal clear that you aren't available for the task being pressed upon you, but you're not completely blowing off the person in need either. No one can hate you when you're offering to lend a hand elsewhere.

3. "I'M NOT ABLE TO TAKE THAT ON RIGHT NOW." This is code for "I do not have room in my life for it, and if I took it on, not only would it not get done, but I'd probably end up going postal over it.

4. "NO, BUT I BET SO-AND-SO CAN HELP YOU." This is a solid NO, with a generous side of helpfulness. And think of all the wonderful folks you can recommend in your place (like the neighbor you don't care for). I used this one about 1974 when I was asked to umpire Little League baseball games for the third year in a row. I said NO to the league president but I said I know five guys who are much better umpires than I could ever be.These five guys had bitched about my umpiring on several occasions in the previous two years. So I gave him the five names. Guess what? Not one of them volunteered to be an umpire.

5. "I'M REALLY NOT OKAY WITH THAT." Sometimes it's all right to use your NO to set the record straight about your position, especially when the request goes against your values. "I'm afraid I don't support that cause/candidate/organization."

Saying NO has been hard for me on occasion over my lifetime BUT I've gotten much better at saying NO as the years have passed. One (not mentioned in The Reader's Digest five) I've used on quite a few occasions is, "I did that when I was younger and it was a good experience but now I want the younger generation to have the same good experience I had." It works.

HUMOR for today comes from an email sent by Jerry and Elsie Narveson.

                                                OLE AND CLARENCE

Ole lived aacross the Minnesota River from Clarence BUNGUM, whom he didn't like at all. They were yelling across the river at each other all the time.

Ole would yell at Clarence,"If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come ofver dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly."

This went on for years. Finally, the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.

Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now iss yer chance, Ole. Vhy doncha go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vud."

Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy, I tink I vill do yust dat."

Ole started for the bridge, but he saw a sign on the bridge and stopped to read it, then turned around and came back home.

Lena asked, "Vhy did you come back?"

Ole said, "Lena, I tink I changed my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know, vhen I yell at him from across da river he don't look so big. But dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 feet, 6 inches."