Pete's BLOG-Day 26,448. How to piss off a Dane - Part II.

Today is Wednesday, April, 2013. My stats today: 10 minutes of yoga, 10 minutes lifting weights and 37 minutes of walking = 2.0 miles for an April total of 34.8 miles. My weight was 162.4 pounds.

Inspiring QUOTE from OUR IOWA magazine: "If you do not sow in the spring, you will not reap in the fall."

My THOUGHTS today are on tactics 4, 5, and 6 on HOW TO PISS OFF A DANE.

Tactic #4: Wear your sweatpants in public.
This may seem harsh if you're hungover or attached to the trends of American college campuses. But venturing into the cold light of day in Denmark in your sweatpants and university sweatshirt is frowned on, at best. If you insist on wearing your comfies outdoors, invest in a black trench coat and cover that shit up.
The advantage of PIPA (Privacy in Public Act) is that blending in is generally easy because everyone really wants to mind their own business in return for the same courtesy. But Danes can "stare like Germans" if provoked, and there's nothing worse than being watched like a HAWK with your sweats on backwards and last night's Tuborg or Carlsberg binge on your breath. To really piss them off wear your sweats to the 7-11 for hangover hot dogs. That'll show them Danes.

Tactic #5: Smile at their children (or dogs).
Smiling at Danish children will elicit awkward squirms and suspicious glances from the parent. There's something about it that's too close for comfort and in blatant violation of their PIPA.
If your feeling miffed that a Danish woman is monopolizing an entire row of seats on a crowded train with multiple bags and a small dog. Just reach down and pet that dog without asking. Then rant and rave enthusiastically  about how cute the dog is. And to  really piss her off say it in Danish.

Tactic #6: Act like a human at the grocery store.
The Danes are grocery store robots. There's something about grocery shopping in Denmark that elicits a deep-seated need for order in the heart of every Dane, and they expect things to go smoothly without having to speak or make eye contact with anyone.
Refuse to play their silent game of chicken as you gather your groceries. Don't move until they're forced to mutter undskyld  (excuse me).
When you approach the cash register this is where the game gets serious, and you can't falter for a second if you hope to maintain your place in line. Half a step to examine the gum rack is all it takes for the Dane behind you to elbow past you and claim your spot. And don't be deterred by the fact that the Dane behind you is practically on top of you, mirroring your every inch forward as though his/her life depended on it. STAND YOUR GROUND.
An expat friend of the author eloquently observed that a Dane would climb inside your asshole if only to be a few inches closer to the front of the line. But this expat was in violation of PIPA that morning because he/she had dared to smile at a Danish child while wearing sweatpants.

The author of this Piss off a Dane article is Emily Hanssen Arent. She is a writer and traveler who has lived in Boulder, Colorado, Copenhagen, and Jerusalem. She is currently a graduate student of Middle Eastern Studies in Tel Aviv, Israel, where she writes, studies, and struggles daily with Hebrew and Arabic.