QUOTE from Rita Mae Brown: "The statistics on sanity are that one of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're OK, then it's you."
What I LEARNED yesterday. Yesterday Carron, our daughter, came to the house to help us solve some computer problems. While here she told told us about this wonderful and interesting website we should learn about. So she typed in "decorah eagles on ustream" and up comes this LIVE coverage of a mommy and a daddy eagle reproducing the eagle population in Decorah, Iowa. It is absolutely fascinating to watch mammy and daddy take turns keeping the egg(s) warm. The nest is 4-5 feet in diameter.
So first thing this morning I went to the website to see how mommy and daddy eagle were doing. They were doing their job. Check it out, you'll love it. Pretty soon we'll see little eaglets popping out of the shell(s) and we'll be able watch mommy and daddy feed them.
HUMOR for today: I'm 100% Norwegian. Norwegians are one of the few nationalities who can tell jokes on themselves and not be offended. We also like to tell jokes about the Swedes who, in turn, like to tell jokes about us. So today I'll tell some pretty bad Norwegian and Swedish jokes.
The Norwegians are proud of their new zoo.
They built a fence around Sweden.
Woman: I was raped by a Norwegian.
Policeman: How do you know he was Norwegian?
Woman: I had to show him how.
How can it be proved that Adam was a Norwegian?
Who else wouod stand beside a naked woman and just eat an apple?
A Norwegian whose wife was expecting twins had to go on a trip. He asked his brother to name the off-spring when they arrived. Upon his return, he asked the brother what names he had given the new twins. "Da girl is De-neese," explained the brother. "Denise? nice name...and the boy?" asked the father. Replied the brother: "Da Nephew."
Two Norwegians were walking in the park when a bird splattered one of them on the head. Eyeing the mess, the victim's companion offered to go get some toilet paper. "Von't do no good," said the messed-up one, "by the time you get back, dat bird will be four miles avay."
If you like my Norwegian jokes leave a comment and I'll write some more.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Humor for today - Just Plain Stupid
QUOTE from Truman Capote: "Mick Jagger is about as sexy as a pissing toad."
Just HUMOR for today: While listening to a couple of guys sitting next to me at "Happy Hour" the other day I came away rather unimpressed with their intelligence or knowledge. The following words will decribe my feelings about these two. I would have liked to have used some of these phrases on both of them. I didn't. I kept my shut and just shook my head about how stupid they were.
JUST PLAIN STUPID
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.
If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
Don't get lost in intelligent thought - it's unfamiliar territory.
Don't let your mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.
You two are so dumb, blondes tell jokes about you guys.
You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
Just HUMOR for today: While listening to a couple of guys sitting next to me at "Happy Hour" the other day I came away rather unimpressed with their intelligence or knowledge. The following words will decribe my feelings about these two. I would have liked to have used some of these phrases on both of them. I didn't. I kept my shut and just shook my head about how stupid they were.
JUST PLAIN STUPID
I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works.
If brains were taxed, you'd get a rebate.
Don't get lost in intelligent thought - it's unfamiliar territory.
Don't let your mind wander - it's too little to be let out alone.
You two are so dumb, blondes tell jokes about you guys.
You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Comparing Iowa public workers to private workers.
QUOTE from Maya Angelou: "Determine to live life with flair and laughter."
What I LEARNED today: For the last 10-12 days the nation has been focused on Madison, Wisconsin and what's happening there in regard to collective bargaining rights for public employees. This issue has now spread to other Republican controlled states such as Indiana, Ohio, Iowa and others. In all these states the effort by Republicans is the same - make public workers pay more for their benefits and restrict or totally take away the right of these workers to bargain collectively.
What I read this morning was quite interesting to me in regard to this issue and about public employees in Iowa. Here is what I LEARNED: The Iowa Policy Project did a study comparing Iowa's public and private employees in regard to educationasl levels, work experience, occupation and hours worked. The study discovered that Iowa male public workers earn nearly 12 percent less and Iowa female public sector workers earn 16 percent less than private sector workers with comparable occupations, hours, experience and education. The study went on to give some other stats but the essence of the study is summarized above.
As a public school teacher for 36 years I found it mind boggling that so many people thought we made a lot of money, and that we made more money than private workers with similar education. Plus quite a few felt we didn't deserve our benefits or our retirement because we had the summers to work to take care of those. It was depressing at times but when I considered the source I felt better. I used to tell them if what you think is true about teachers and their pay and benefits why don't you go back to school and become a teacher. They usually didn't have an answer.
As with the Wisconsin teachers I can agree that paying more for health insurance would be okay to a degree. But to take away all the bargaining rights for teachers and other public workers is definitely the wrong way to go. I can remember when we had no bargaining rights in the 1960s and early 1970s - it was depressing. The board could fire a teacher for little or no reason. My hope is that we don't go back to those dictatorial days.
HUMOR for today is from The Joker Magazine. This joke was written in 2009 - it is titled "401-Keg."
Something to think about! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have #33.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer, then you turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!
What I LEARNED today: For the last 10-12 days the nation has been focused on Madison, Wisconsin and what's happening there in regard to collective bargaining rights for public employees. This issue has now spread to other Republican controlled states such as Indiana, Ohio, Iowa and others. In all these states the effort by Republicans is the same - make public workers pay more for their benefits and restrict or totally take away the right of these workers to bargain collectively.
What I read this morning was quite interesting to me in regard to this issue and about public employees in Iowa. Here is what I LEARNED: The Iowa Policy Project did a study comparing Iowa's public and private employees in regard to educationasl levels, work experience, occupation and hours worked. The study discovered that Iowa male public workers earn nearly 12 percent less and Iowa female public sector workers earn 16 percent less than private sector workers with comparable occupations, hours, experience and education. The study went on to give some other stats but the essence of the study is summarized above.
As a public school teacher for 36 years I found it mind boggling that so many people thought we made a lot of money, and that we made more money than private workers with similar education. Plus quite a few felt we didn't deserve our benefits or our retirement because we had the summers to work to take care of those. It was depressing at times but when I considered the source I felt better. I used to tell them if what you think is true about teachers and their pay and benefits why don't you go back to school and become a teacher. They usually didn't have an answer.
As with the Wisconsin teachers I can agree that paying more for health insurance would be okay to a degree. But to take away all the bargaining rights for teachers and other public workers is definitely the wrong way to go. I can remember when we had no bargaining rights in the 1960s and early 1970s - it was depressing. The board could fire a teacher for little or no reason. My hope is that we don't go back to those dictatorial days.
HUMOR for today is from The Joker Magazine. This joke was written in 2009 - it is titled "401-Keg."
Something to think about! If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have #33.00 today. If you purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer, then you turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Just HUMOR today - Little Girl on a Plane.
QUOTE from THE QUOTABLE BITCH by Joan Rivers, comedian:
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"
HUMOR for today:
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman, "How about global warming or universal health care," and he smiles smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"
Have a good day everybody
"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"
HUMOR for today:
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the congressman, "How about global warming or universal health care," and he smiles smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know shit?"
Have a good day everybody
Monday, February 21, 2011
If Ron Reagan Jr. ruled the world.
QUOTE from Ron Reagan Jr, son of President Reagan: "My father always used to tell me that a gentleman always does the kind thing. So I always try to do the kind thing."
AN AWESOME THOUGHT from Ron Reagan Jr. Ron recently wrote a book about his father, President Reagan, titled, RON REAGAN - MY FATHER AT 100. Ron was interviewed in the latest edition of Reader's Digest. He had this "awesome thought" that I agree with 100%. I want to relay those words to my readers.
When asked "If he ruled the world, he would.......
This was his answer. "I just imagine that the chairs on cable television, for both the hosts and the guests, could be equipped with a kind of lie detector/electric-shock device where anyone who doesn't tell the truth gets a jolt. And of course, the larger the lie, the greater the jolt. Can you imagine? Glenn Beck would be a cinder by now. A little briquette!"
How wonderful that would be. I would guess some of them would be electrocuted.
HUMOR for today: Jim and Joe were sitting at a bar enjoying a couple of beers.
Jim asked Joe: "Would you rather have Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?"
Joe answered: "Parkinson's of course! Better to spill half your beer than forget where the hell you put it."
AN AWESOME THOUGHT from Ron Reagan Jr. Ron recently wrote a book about his father, President Reagan, titled, RON REAGAN - MY FATHER AT 100. Ron was interviewed in the latest edition of Reader's Digest. He had this "awesome thought" that I agree with 100%. I want to relay those words to my readers.
When asked "If he ruled the world, he would.......
This was his answer. "I just imagine that the chairs on cable television, for both the hosts and the guests, could be equipped with a kind of lie detector/electric-shock device where anyone who doesn't tell the truth gets a jolt. And of course, the larger the lie, the greater the jolt. Can you imagine? Glenn Beck would be a cinder by now. A little briquette!"
How wonderful that would be. I would guess some of them would be electrocuted.
HUMOR for today: Jim and Joe were sitting at a bar enjoying a couple of beers.
Jim asked Joe: "Would you rather have Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?"
Joe answered: "Parkinson's of course! Better to spill half your beer than forget where the hell you put it."
Saturday, February 19, 2011
History of AARP
QUOTE from Elizabeth Taylor: "Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."
What I LEARNED today: I've belonged to an organization called AARP for 20 years. So being a curious person and a student of history I had to find out where this thing called AARP came from.
Dr. Ethel Percy Andrus founded AARP in 1958. She was a retired school principal from California. AARP evolved from the National Retired Teachers Association (NTRA), which Andrus had established in 1947 to promote her philosophy of productive aging, and in response to the need of health insurance for retired teachers. Because of demand from other senior citizens who needed health insurance she opened the NTRA, in 1958, to all Americans over 50, thus creating AARP. Today, NRTA is a division within AARP. In 2010 AARPs membership has grown to over 40 million members. And AARP has diversified into an organization that offers many other services to its members and is a lobbying watchdog in Congress and in local governments to protect its members from losing Medicare and Social Security benefits.
Medicare was passed in 1965 and to a great extent solved the need for health care for seniors but supplemental insurance was still needed and still is today. AARP has helped alleviate that need along with many other insurance companies.
I'm GRATEFUL that AARP stands and fights for its members. It played a large role in keeping Social Security from being privatized during the Bush years. And it grudgingly endorsed the Part D Prescription Plan that Congress passed in 2003. It only did so when they recognized it was better to get something in regard to drug costs than nothing. With 40 million members AARP is recognized as one of the strongest lobbying groups in the U.S. - and I'm grateful.
AARP has three founding principles:
1. To promote independence, dignity, and purpose for older persons.
2. To enhance the quality for older persons.
3. To encourage older persons "To serve, not be served."
HUMOR for today. In the winter I take my morning walks at Walmart. I've become pretty well known to all the employees. We always exchange "Good Mornings" and ask how each other is doing. I finally came up with a catchy answer this winter when asked every day how I was doing. So now I'm answering them by saying, "At age 70 IHIV." They started asking what that means and I told them - it means "I'm 70 years old and I'm healthy and I'm still vertical." They get a kick out of that.
What I LEARNED today: I've belonged to an organization called AARP for 20 years. So being a curious person and a student of history I had to find out where this thing called AARP came from.
Dr. Ethel Percy Andrus founded AARP in 1958. She was a retired school principal from California. AARP evolved from the National Retired Teachers Association (NTRA), which Andrus had established in 1947 to promote her philosophy of productive aging, and in response to the need of health insurance for retired teachers. Because of demand from other senior citizens who needed health insurance she opened the NTRA, in 1958, to all Americans over 50, thus creating AARP. Today, NRTA is a division within AARP. In 2010 AARPs membership has grown to over 40 million members. And AARP has diversified into an organization that offers many other services to its members and is a lobbying watchdog in Congress and in local governments to protect its members from losing Medicare and Social Security benefits.
Medicare was passed in 1965 and to a great extent solved the need for health care for seniors but supplemental insurance was still needed and still is today. AARP has helped alleviate that need along with many other insurance companies.
I'm GRATEFUL that AARP stands and fights for its members. It played a large role in keeping Social Security from being privatized during the Bush years. And it grudgingly endorsed the Part D Prescription Plan that Congress passed in 2003. It only did so when they recognized it was better to get something in regard to drug costs than nothing. With 40 million members AARP is recognized as one of the strongest lobbying groups in the U.S. - and I'm grateful.
AARP has three founding principles:
1. To promote independence, dignity, and purpose for older persons.
2. To enhance the quality for older persons.
3. To encourage older persons "To serve, not be served."
HUMOR for today. In the winter I take my morning walks at Walmart. I've become pretty well known to all the employees. We always exchange "Good Mornings" and ask how each other is doing. I finally came up with a catchy answer this winter when asked every day how I was doing. So now I'm answering them by saying, "At age 70 IHIV." They started asking what that means and I told them - it means "I'm 70 years old and I'm healthy and I'm still vertical." They get a kick out of that.
Friday, February 18, 2011
The who, when, where and why of the football huddle.
QUOTE from the March Guideposts Magazine submitted by G.R. Jerabek of Arizona: ""Worry clutters up tomorrow's opportunities with yesterday's troubles."
What I LEARNED today: I learned this little tidbit of football history from a book I have entitled "MINDBLOWERS - A Look Back at HISTORY That Will Change the Way You Look at the World Today"
The common "huddle" seen on playing fields every weekend during football season had its start at Washington D.C.'s Gallaudet's all-deaf football team, they were called the Bisons. When playing they of course used sign language to communicate.
Legend has it that on a windy fall day in 1894 the Gallaudet football team was losing badly. Quarterback Paul Hubbard somehow suspected that someone on the opposing team knew sign language and was spying on the Gallaudet players and their sign language open-air discussions. That's when Hubbard pulled his teammates into a huddle, and the rest is history.
A THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The seeds we sow today determine the kind of fruit we'll reap tomorrow.
HUMOR for today: WIFE VS. HUSBAND: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
What I LEARNED today: I learned this little tidbit of football history from a book I have entitled "MINDBLOWERS - A Look Back at HISTORY That Will Change the Way You Look at the World Today"
The common "huddle" seen on playing fields every weekend during football season had its start at Washington D.C.'s Gallaudet's all-deaf football team, they were called the Bisons. When playing they of course used sign language to communicate.
Legend has it that on a windy fall day in 1894 the Gallaudet football team was losing badly. Quarterback Paul Hubbard somehow suspected that someone on the opposing team knew sign language and was spying on the Gallaudet players and their sign language open-air discussions. That's when Hubbard pulled his teammates into a huddle, and the rest is history.
A THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: The seeds we sow today determine the kind of fruit we'll reap tomorrow.
HUMOR for today: WIFE VS. HUSBAND: A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
Thursday, February 17, 2011
History of gerrymandering
QUOTE from the THE QUOTABLE BITCH by Paula Abdul, singer, on Simon Cowell, American Idol judge: " I welcome him like I welcome cold sores. He's from England, he's angry and he's got Mad Power Disease."
What I LEARNED today. I've read several articles recently about the 2010 census and what it means for the redistricting of the U.S. House of Representatives. Iowa is going to lose one seat in the House - we'll go from 5 to 4. Two words that come up every ten years are the words redistricting and gerrymandering. The big question is who will be in charge in each state of drawing up the new districts? This is where gerrymandering comes into the picture.
I've always known was gerrymandering is - it means to deliberately redraw districts into unusual shapes in order to achieve specific political aims. In other words to make sure that the candidate of your party will be sure to win. So the redrawers make sure there are enough favorable voters in that district to get the job done. If it sounds shady and suspect....that's because it is. But I didn't know the history of it. So my curious mind was saying words that began with the letter "W", like who, what where, when and why. So I went to GOOGLE and learned a little history today:
The term gerrymander, which was originally written as "gerry-mander," was first used in the Boston Gazette newspaper in March, 1812. The term was coined in response to the efforts of Massachusetts Governor Eldridge Gerry, who signed a bill that redistricted Mass. in such a manner that the Democratic-Republican party was clearly assisted, to the detriment of the opposing Federalist party. Upon looking at the map, many remarked that the drawing resembled a salamander, and a popular political cartoon of the time showed a dragon wrapped around the outside of the map. A Federalist leader saw the re-drawn map and, making a play on words, said that it was best called a "gerrymander" rather than a salamander. After 1812 political writers covering elections used the word "gerrymander" to refer to this process that was, in essence, created by Gerry. So there you go, as you hear the word gerrymander in the next year you can thank Eldrige Gerry for this shady practice.
.
What I LEARNED today. I've read several articles recently about the 2010 census and what it means for the redistricting of the U.S. House of Representatives. Iowa is going to lose one seat in the House - we'll go from 5 to 4. Two words that come up every ten years are the words redistricting and gerrymandering. The big question is who will be in charge in each state of drawing up the new districts? This is where gerrymandering comes into the picture.
I've always known was gerrymandering is - it means to deliberately redraw districts into unusual shapes in order to achieve specific political aims. In other words to make sure that the candidate of your party will be sure to win. So the redrawers make sure there are enough favorable voters in that district to get the job done. If it sounds shady and suspect....that's because it is. But I didn't know the history of it. So my curious mind was saying words that began with the letter "W", like who, what where, when and why. So I went to GOOGLE and learned a little history today:
The term gerrymander, which was originally written as "gerry-mander," was first used in the Boston Gazette newspaper in March, 1812. The term was coined in response to the efforts of Massachusetts Governor Eldridge Gerry, who signed a bill that redistricted Mass. in such a manner that the Democratic-Republican party was clearly assisted, to the detriment of the opposing Federalist party. Upon looking at the map, many remarked that the drawing resembled a salamander, and a popular political cartoon of the time showed a dragon wrapped around the outside of the map. A Federalist leader saw the re-drawn map and, making a play on words, said that it was best called a "gerrymander" rather than a salamander. After 1812 political writers covering elections used the word "gerrymander" to refer to this process that was, in essence, created by Gerry. So there you go, as you hear the word gerrymander in the next year you can thank Eldrige Gerry for this shady practice.
.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Your car dealer wo't tell you...
QUOTE from the THE QUOTABLE BITCH by Mae West on Jayne Mansfield, actresses. " I don't know anything about her except the common gossip I heard. When it comes to men I heard she never turns anything down except the bedcovers."
What I LEARNED about buying a car. I read this in the Reader's Digest - I found it interesting. It was titled ..."Your Car Dealer Won't Tell You"...
- That car we advertised at the unbelievable price? It's a stripped-down model with a manual transmisson, no air conditioning, and crank windows. But we got you in, didn't we?
- The best time to buy is at the end of the month, and it's best to negotiate the trade-in separately. Negotiate up from from the invoice price (what we paid for the car, easy to find on the Web), not down from the sticker price.
-To get a great price with minimal haggling, call and ask for the internet manager or fleet manager.
- Once I'm sitting behind the desk, you'll feel like I'm in control and may be willing to pay a little more. (We learn this during training.)
- Ever wonder about those ads that promise a minimum $3,000 trade-in value for your clunker? Those dealerships also pad the sales price to make up for the difference.
- Notice how many times we go back and forth to our manager? The loud music, the gongs, and the blaring flat-screen TVs? All are distractions designed to help you lose track of what we're doing with the deal.
- We all get our cars from the same place at roughly the same price. So if one dealer is offering to sell it for $2,000 less, there's probably a catch.
- We're making less money on the car than you think. Our profit margin is typically 2 to 4 percent.
HUMOR for today: THE SENILITY PRAYER: God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
What I LEARNED about buying a car. I read this in the Reader's Digest - I found it interesting. It was titled ..."Your Car Dealer Won't Tell You"...
- That car we advertised at the unbelievable price? It's a stripped-down model with a manual transmisson, no air conditioning, and crank windows. But we got you in, didn't we?
- The best time to buy is at the end of the month, and it's best to negotiate the trade-in separately. Negotiate up from from the invoice price (what we paid for the car, easy to find on the Web), not down from the sticker price.
-To get a great price with minimal haggling, call and ask for the internet manager or fleet manager.
- Once I'm sitting behind the desk, you'll feel like I'm in control and may be willing to pay a little more. (We learn this during training.)
- Ever wonder about those ads that promise a minimum $3,000 trade-in value for your clunker? Those dealerships also pad the sales price to make up for the difference.
- Notice how many times we go back and forth to our manager? The loud music, the gongs, and the blaring flat-screen TVs? All are distractions designed to help you lose track of what we're doing with the deal.
- We all get our cars from the same place at roughly the same price. So if one dealer is offering to sell it for $2,000 less, there's probably a catch.
- We're making less money on the car than you think. Our profit margin is typically 2 to 4 percent.
HUMOR for today: THE SENILITY PRAYER: God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Final edition of IN THE BEGINNING with GOD and SATAN.
Another QUOTE from "The Quotable Bitch" - this one by actress Susan Sarandon: "I'm tired of being labeled anti-American because I ask questions."
More HUMOR today: This is my final edition of IN THE BEGINNING with GOD and SATAN.
GOD created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake." and said, "It is good. SATAN then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that HIS children might lose extra pounds. And SATAN gave cable TV with a remote control so MAN would not have to toil changing the channels. And MAN and WOMAN laughed and cried before the flickering blue lights and gained pounds.
Then GOD brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And SATAN peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And MAN and WOMAN gained pounds.
GOD then gave lean beef so that MAN and WOMAN might consume fewer calories and still satisfy their appetite. And SATAN created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fried with that?" And MAN and WOMAN replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And SATAN said, "It is good." And MAN and WOMAN went into cardiac arrest.
GOD sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then SATAN created HMOs.
GRATITUDE today: When writing my gratitude journal two years ago I wrote the following on February 14, 2009.
"I'm not going to go into the history of Valentine's Day other than to say it originated in the Roman Empire in the third century. I'm grateful for this day because, every year, it makes me think and reflect about the fact Ruth Ann is the one and only true love of my life. Nothing more needs to be said."
More HUMOR today: This is my final edition of IN THE BEGINNING with GOD and SATAN.
GOD created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake." and said, "It is good. SATAN then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that HIS children might lose extra pounds. And SATAN gave cable TV with a remote control so MAN would not have to toil changing the channels. And MAN and WOMAN laughed and cried before the flickering blue lights and gained pounds.
Then GOD brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And SATAN peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And MAN and WOMAN gained pounds.
GOD then gave lean beef so that MAN and WOMAN might consume fewer calories and still satisfy their appetite. And SATAN created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fried with that?" And MAN and WOMAN replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And SATAN said, "It is good." And MAN and WOMAN went into cardiac arrest.
GOD sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then SATAN created HMOs.
GRATITUDE today: When writing my gratitude journal two years ago I wrote the following on February 14, 2009.
"I'm not going to go into the history of Valentine's Day other than to say it originated in the Roman Empire in the third century. I'm grateful for this day because, every year, it makes me think and reflect about the fact Ruth Ann is the one and only true love of my life. Nothing more needs to be said."
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Part 3 of IN THE BEGINNING
Just HUMOR today. This is Part 3 of IN THE BEGINNING with GOD and SATAN.
So GOD said, "Try my fresh green salad." And SATAN presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And MAN and WOMAM unfastened their belts following the meal.
GOD then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And SATAN brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And MAN and WOMAN gained more weight and their cholestorol went through the roof.
(Part 4 in my next post)
So GOD said, "Try my fresh green salad." And SATAN presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And MAN and WOMAM unfastened their belts following the meal.
GOD then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And SATAN brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And MAN and WOMAN gained more weight and their cholestorol went through the roof.
(Part 4 in my next post)
Friday, February 11, 2011
A different definition of BITCH.
QUOTE from Madonna: "Sometimes you have to be a bitch to get things done."
I've LEARNED a new definition of the word "BITCH. I bought a book at Barnes and Noble titled "The Quotable BITCH." The title of the book aroused my curiosity so I looked it over and told myself that this looks very interesting. So I bought it and have really enjoyed reading it. It has given me a new persective on the word BITCH. I'm going to use the words in the introduction to explain.
The introduction states: What kind of world do we live in when a MAN who stands up for what he believes in is automatically considered a strong leader, confident in his ways - a real go-getter - and a WOMAN who speaks her mind is considered pushy, a trouble starter, a well, okay....a real BITCH? Ladies, being that kind of a BITCH isn't a bad thing. It's time to embrace this word for what it's worth.
To be frank, a BITCH is a woman who is unafraid to tell it like it is, to bluntly and honestly call out the shortcomings or injustices of the world and those around her. In this book, you'll find the voices of women from all walks of life who have done just that - from Susan B. Anthony (19th century civil rights activist), to Sarah Silverman (comedian), to Bette Milder (singer), to Bette Davis (actress), to Joan Rivers (TV personality and comedian), to Madonna (singer), to Patricia Schroeder (congresswoman), to Althea Gibson (tennis pro), to Nancy Pelosi (congresswoman), .........and hundreds of others.
So sit back and read this book, pour yourself a glass of whine- er, wine - and get ready to embrace and fully appreciate the inner bitch you know and love. Whatever you prefer to call it - supreme confidence, and unapologetic attitude - take pride in the knowledge that you, too, can be a BITCH.
(Pete's comment: I recommend this book - for both men and women. It will make a man think differently about this word and it will make a woman feel good about this word. Plus it is funny as hell.)
I've LEARNED a new definition of the word "BITCH. I bought a book at Barnes and Noble titled "The Quotable BITCH." The title of the book aroused my curiosity so I looked it over and told myself that this looks very interesting. So I bought it and have really enjoyed reading it. It has given me a new persective on the word BITCH. I'm going to use the words in the introduction to explain.
The introduction states: What kind of world do we live in when a MAN who stands up for what he believes in is automatically considered a strong leader, confident in his ways - a real go-getter - and a WOMAN who speaks her mind is considered pushy, a trouble starter, a well, okay....a real BITCH? Ladies, being that kind of a BITCH isn't a bad thing. It's time to embrace this word for what it's worth.
To be frank, a BITCH is a woman who is unafraid to tell it like it is, to bluntly and honestly call out the shortcomings or injustices of the world and those around her. In this book, you'll find the voices of women from all walks of life who have done just that - from Susan B. Anthony (19th century civil rights activist), to Sarah Silverman (comedian), to Bette Milder (singer), to Bette Davis (actress), to Joan Rivers (TV personality and comedian), to Madonna (singer), to Patricia Schroeder (congresswoman), to Althea Gibson (tennis pro), to Nancy Pelosi (congresswoman), .........and hundreds of others.
So sit back and read this book, pour yourself a glass of whine- er, wine - and get ready to embrace and fully appreciate the inner bitch you know and love. Whatever you prefer to call it - supreme confidence, and unapologetic attitude - take pride in the knowledge that you, too, can be a BITCH.
(Pete's comment: I recommend this book - for both men and women. It will make a man think differently about this word and it will make a woman feel good about this word. Plus it is funny as hell.)
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The Bottom Line on Happiness
QUOTE from Bill Cosby: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
INSPIRATION for today: I read an inspiring article in the February, 2011, issue of Reader's Digest written by Harvard Business School professor Clayton M. Christensen. He titled it THE BOTTOM LINE ON HAPPINESS. It was a real thought-provoking article.
He had five main points that have guided his life. Here they are:
1. USE YOUR RESOURCES WISELY. Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent shape your life's strategy. We all have several "businesses" that compete for these resources - your spouse, your kids, your community, your career, and your church. We all have a limited amount of time, energy, and talent. The question is, How much do I devote to each of these pursuits?
2. CREATE A FAMILY CULTURE BEFORE YOUR KIDS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL. If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and the confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won't magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family's culture, and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, kids build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works.
3. AVOID "JUST THIS ONCE." The author learned at an early age that it's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold to them 98 percent of the time. If you give in to "just this once," based on a short term gain , you'll regret where you end up. You've got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.
4. REMEMBER TO BE HUMBLE. Generally you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself and want to help those around you feel really good about themselves too. When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.
5. CHOOSE THE RIGHT YARDSTICK. Don't worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.
HUMOR for today: Part 2 of "IN THE BEGINNING."
And GOD created the healthful yogurt that WOMAN might use to keep the figure that MAN found so fair. And SATAN brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And WOMAN went from size 6 to size 14.
Part 3 in my next post.
INSPIRATION for today: I read an inspiring article in the February, 2011, issue of Reader's Digest written by Harvard Business School professor Clayton M. Christensen. He titled it THE BOTTOM LINE ON HAPPINESS. It was a real thought-provoking article.
He had five main points that have guided his life. Here they are:
1. USE YOUR RESOURCES WISELY. Your decisions about allocating your personal time, energy, and talent shape your life's strategy. We all have several "businesses" that compete for these resources - your spouse, your kids, your community, your career, and your church. We all have a limited amount of time, energy, and talent. The question is, How much do I devote to each of these pursuits?
2. CREATE A FAMILY CULTURE BEFORE YOUR KIDS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL. If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and the confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won't magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family's culture, and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, kids build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works.
3. AVOID "JUST THIS ONCE." The author learned at an early age that it's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold to them 98 percent of the time. If you give in to "just this once," based on a short term gain , you'll regret where you end up. You've got to define for yourself what you stand for and draw the line in a safe place.
4. REMEMBER TO BE HUMBLE. Generally you can be humble only if you feel really good about yourself and want to help those around you feel really good about themselves too. When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.
5. CHOOSE THE RIGHT YARDSTICK. Don't worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people. Think about the metric by which your life will be judged, and make a resolution to live every day so that in the end, your life will be judged a success.
HUMOR for today: Part 2 of "IN THE BEGINNING."
And GOD created the healthful yogurt that WOMAN might use to keep the figure that MAN found so fair. And SATAN brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And WOMAN went from size 6 to size 14.
Part 3 in my next post.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
President Obama's cousins
QUOTE from Anne Morrow Lindbergh, aviator: "By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off. They are the great vacationless class."
LEARNING about President Obama's relatives, very interesting. I learned this from an article I cut out of the newspaper last October.
President Obama is related to Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin. The online geneology service, ancestry.com, reported that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed. The ties in both cases goes back to the 1600s. Obama also has family ties to George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Warren Buffet and Brad Pitt. The ties definitely run through Obama's white, Kansas born mother's side of the family. (Source: Cedar Rapids Gazette, 10-14-10.) Wouldn't it be interesting if they had a family reunion!!!!!!!!
HUMOR for today: IN THE BEGINNING. In the beginning, GOD created the Heavens and the earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using GOD'S great gifts, SATAN created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And SATAN said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And SATAN smiled.
(I'm not done - Part 2 will come on my next post.)
LEARNING about President Obama's relatives, very interesting. I learned this from an article I cut out of the newspaper last October.
President Obama is related to Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin. The online geneology service, ancestry.com, reported that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed. The ties in both cases goes back to the 1600s. Obama also has family ties to George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Warren Buffet and Brad Pitt. The ties definitely run through Obama's white, Kansas born mother's side of the family. (Source: Cedar Rapids Gazette, 10-14-10.) Wouldn't it be interesting if they had a family reunion!!!!!!!!
HUMOR for today: IN THE BEGINNING. In the beginning, GOD created the Heavens and the earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using GOD'S great gifts, SATAN created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And SATAN said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And SATAN smiled.
(I'm not done - Part 2 will come on my next post.)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Part 2 of where our taxes go.
QUOTE from Eleanor Roosevelt: "Do what you feel in your heart to be right - for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't."
LEARNING MORE ABOUT TAXES: Yesterday I listed the 12 most expensive places our federal taxes go. Today I'll list 13 more.
Pell grants..........................$29.75
NASA.................................$28.09
Internal Revenue Service...$17.69
EPA clean-up.....................$11.67
FBI....................................$11.21
Head Start.........................$10.91
Public housing...................$10.50
National parks....................$4.27
Drug Enforcement Admin..$3.14
Amtrak..............................$2.23
Smithsonian Museum........$1.12
Funding for the arts...........$0.24
Salaries/benefits for '
members of Congress.........$0.19
I'm assuming these figures are accurate. I did some research on THIRDWAY.ORG and it appears to be legitimate. It is considered to be a nonpartisan middle-of-the-road think tank. But one question I do have is how much do subsidies to farmers cost? I had that question along with several others. However, in fairness to THIRDWAY, they did say that these 25 were just "starters."
HUMOR for today: REINDEER FACTS: According to the Alaska Dep. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late Nov. to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known....ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
A THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Having politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
LEARNING MORE ABOUT TAXES: Yesterday I listed the 12 most expensive places our federal taxes go. Today I'll list 13 more.
Pell grants..........................$29.75
NASA.................................$28.09
Internal Revenue Service...$17.69
EPA clean-up.....................$11.67
FBI....................................$11.21
Head Start.........................$10.91
Public housing...................$10.50
National parks....................$4.27
Drug Enforcement Admin..$3.14
Amtrak..............................$2.23
Smithsonian Museum........$1.12
Funding for the arts...........$0.24
Salaries/benefits for '
members of Congress.........$0.19
I'm assuming these figures are accurate. I did some research on THIRDWAY.ORG and it appears to be legitimate. It is considered to be a nonpartisan middle-of-the-road think tank. But one question I do have is how much do subsidies to farmers cost? I had that question along with several others. However, in fairness to THIRDWAY, they did say that these 25 were just "starters."
HUMOR for today: REINDEER FACTS: According to the Alaska Dep. of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late Nov. to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known....ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
A THOUGHT TO REMEMBER: Having politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Where Our Taxes Go
QUOTE from Claire Sargent, Arizona senatorial candidate: "I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough."
What I LEARNED today. This info came from the Reader's Digest. They got it from "thirdway.org"
WHERE OUR TAXES GO: A U.S. taxpayer earning the 2009 median income ($34,140) and paying $5,400 in federal income tax and FICA ponied up for the following, for starters:
Social Security..........................$1,040,70
Medicare.................................... $625.51
Medicaid........................................$385.28
Interest on national debt............$287.03
Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan....$229.17
Military personnel.......................$192.79
Veterans benefits........................ $74.65
Federal highways......................... $63.89
Health care research(NIH)......... $46.54
Foreign aid.....................................$46.08
Education funding for
low-income K-12 students...........$38.17
Military retirement benefits........$32.60
There are more -I'll list the rest in my next post.
HUMOR for today:
Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that a moose has sex 10 to 15 times a night."
"Ah crap," says his friend, "and I just joined the Elks."
What I LEARNED today. This info came from the Reader's Digest. They got it from "thirdway.org"
WHERE OUR TAXES GO: A U.S. taxpayer earning the 2009 median income ($34,140) and paying $5,400 in federal income tax and FICA ponied up for the following, for starters:
Social Security..........................$1,040,70
Medicare.................................... $625.51
Medicaid........................................$385.28
Interest on national debt............$287.03
Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan....$229.17
Military personnel.......................$192.79
Veterans benefits........................ $74.65
Federal highways......................... $63.89
Health care research(NIH)......... $46.54
Foreign aid.....................................$46.08
Education funding for
low-income K-12 students...........$38.17
Military retirement benefits........$32.60
There are more -I'll list the rest in my next post.
HUMOR for today:
Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that a moose has sex 10 to 15 times a night."
"Ah crap," says his friend, "and I just joined the Elks."
Saturday, February 5, 2011
One-One-One-Unusual.
QUOTE from Faith Whittlesey, U.S. ambassador to Switzerland: "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels."
INTERESTING NUMBER: This yr we will xperience 4 unusual dates....1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11...Now go figure this out....take the last 2 digits of the yr u were born + the age u will be this yr and it will equal ...???
More church bulletin HUMOR: Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS in done.
INTERESTING NUMBER: This yr we will xperience 4 unusual dates....1/1/11, 1/11/11, 11/1/11, 11/11/11...Now go figure this out....take the last 2 digits of the yr u were born + the age u will be this yr and it will equal ...???
More church bulletin HUMOR: Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS in done.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
I'm done painting.
QUOTE from Julia Roberts: "We've all been broken at some point. Forgiving ouselves or another person helps us move forward."
GRATITUDE for today. I'm grateful to be done painting. I haven't posted anything recently because for the last two weeks I've been painting. Ruth Ann felt the need for some changes to be made to our house so guess who got the job. She wanted the kitchen cupboards painted, part of the dining room and the middle bedroom. We are also getting new counter tops plus a new sink, faucet and garbage disposal.
The biggest job was the kitchen cupboards. We had to unscrew 18 doors from the cupboards, remove the handles, prime them and then put the finsih coat on. Then I had to do the same to the cupboards. The dining room and bedroom were less time consuming.
Anyway, I'm done and I'm grateful. I'm grateful also that Ruth Ann is happy. I can now get back to my normal life.
HUMOR for today:
A 7 year old said: "I think beer must be good.My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets."
GRATITUDE for today. I'm grateful to be done painting. I haven't posted anything recently because for the last two weeks I've been painting. Ruth Ann felt the need for some changes to be made to our house so guess who got the job. She wanted the kitchen cupboards painted, part of the dining room and the middle bedroom. We are also getting new counter tops plus a new sink, faucet and garbage disposal.
The biggest job was the kitchen cupboards. We had to unscrew 18 doors from the cupboards, remove the handles, prime them and then put the finsih coat on. Then I had to do the same to the cupboards. The dining room and bedroom were less time consuming.
Anyway, I'm done and I'm grateful. I'm grateful also that Ruth Ann is happy. I can now get back to my normal life.
HUMOR for today:
A 7 year old said: "I think beer must be good.My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets."
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